The trials of Tuscon.

While last year’s spring break trip with the Ultimate team was itself an adventure, this year’s trip to Arizona with the Geologic Field Methods class proved to have all the peril and menace Panama City Beach could offer only the form of venereal diseases. The landscape of rural South Tuscon was barren and uninviting. Only bizarre forms of life such as Javelina, catamount, and Geologist thrive in this desolate land. Under constant threat of Africanized bee attacks and uplifted sandstone, we were forced to constantly keep on the move. We stopped only to observe the telltale slickenslides, which we all know point directly to the nearest water source. But the modest lake that we happened upon was not nearly enough water. We were, after all, making our own paper and beer throughout the week. To encourage rain, Joe carefully placed orange peel on the smoldering embers of the campfire and sang the ancient desert rain incantation.

Unfortunately, Joe had taken only a beginners class in Pascua Yaqui tribal chants. The skies did not open and release the much needed rain. Instead, the cacti opened and released their noxious poison into the air. Naturally, being accustomed to all sorts of toxic chemicals, I was not worried. Not everyone was as strong as me, however, so it was decided we would leave immediately. Local geologist Charles stayed behind to fend off the (blood)thirsty catamounts while our rented van lumbered up the primitive roads. We still weren’t entirely convinced of our safety even after re-entering civilization, so we hung our trusty mythical bulwarks in the window before making our final escape back to Missouri in Charles’ Cadillac.